I swear she didn't look like that last week.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
