watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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