That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
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