Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize