just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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