we're blogging at a bar
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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