That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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