There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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