Dude my mom stole all your condoms
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
