PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
