I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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