i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
