I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
