I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
