I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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