I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
