At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
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