You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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