the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
