I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
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every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
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Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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