I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
