she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'm always down for nudity.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize