Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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