he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
