I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
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He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
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I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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