I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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