some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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