He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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