no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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