I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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