I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
