So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
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