dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
