Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
