Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
and she was petting her beer can
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Floor bacon is actually really good
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
All I want is dick and wine.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
