my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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