I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
