oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
