I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
