Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Randomize
