she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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