You really coming over, don't trick.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She bit a glass in half.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
