Already got asked if we're dating
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
