tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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