i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
