I'm drive I can fine osifer
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
