i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
