Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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