i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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