The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
