I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
