If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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