Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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