I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
