i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
His hands were made for my vagina.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
There r osticjed everywhere
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
