Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
