is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
