I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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