You're my little dorito
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I need to align my fucking chakras
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
