If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
