My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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