Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
