Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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