Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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