He disabled his match.com account in front of me
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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