The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
