Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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