Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
