It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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