My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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