I wannas sexs uuuuu
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
People in love make me want to vomit
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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