Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
