So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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