The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
