This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
