just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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