I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Dick very happy bro
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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