One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
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I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
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I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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