I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
