You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
she woke up with a sticky ear
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
