xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Damn victory sex feels great
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
