Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
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I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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