How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
