There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Dicks are not precious.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize