You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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