the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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