You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
